THE 10 Q's: Andrew Stevens

We're shaking things up a bit and stepping away from the seriousness of the usual pre-game/post-game postings with a new segment we're calling The 10 Q's.

We take 10 of the best questions we received from fans and curious blog enthusiasts and picked a random Shocker to fill in the blanks for us.

This week is none other than left winger, Andrew Stevens.

Q1: What got you started with the Shockers?
A1: I was part of the conception of this team so if you take Alain Godard and make him the mother of the Shockers, I was one of the fathers that hit that and I've been ruining that ass ever since.

Q2: Who has the strangest pre-game preparation in the dressing room?
A1: I'd have to say either Francois Hamelin or Frankie Ortuso. Hamster because he enjoys taping his jock strap on before every game, usually the tighter, the better. Blue balls before the game lets him play with more of an edge. Ortuso, because he makes these faces that remind you a bit of Bill Cosby while he talks about pulling his groin muscle.

Q3: If you were to get ridiculously plastered with one of the Shockers, who would it be?
A3: Definately not Jeff! I'd like to keep my asshole its current size. Jeff gets a little frisky after double Appletons. There is actually a myth about Jeff, he once walked outside with an erection, sadly, there were no survivors.

Q4: In your opinion, which Shocker would make a terrible father?
A4: Capaz. If he wouldn't get his kid drunk every day before going to daycare, he would probably lose his kid's college fund in a poker game and then bet his kid on black in roulette.




Q5: Tug of war between Joey Rae and Mike Rossi, who would win?
A5: Oh nice! The classic battle between David and Goliath. Undertaker and Kane. Little People Big World and John and Kate Plus 8. I'd have to go with Joey.

Q6: Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Corey Hart in a race around the world, who would win?
A6: Corey Hart is a sly fox but not sure how he would fess up about finding his way around when it is dark if he plans on wearing his sunglasses at night. But then again, can Bret even see out of those pink glasses? They're not even glasses, they're like cardboard cut outs!

Q7: Ramen noodles or Kraft Dinner?
A7: All over the Kraft Dinner! Soaks up the alcohol nice and is smooth when barfed up.

Q8: Do you call it "getting head" or "making throat babies"?
A8: Throat babies!

Q9: If you weren't playing hockey for the Shockers, what sport would you look into joining?
A9: I'd like to get into MMA fighting but I'm not sure about taking punches to the face. I'd have to be huge like Brock Lesner, untouchable like George St-Pierre and black from the waist down.

Q10: You have Irish and Ukrainian blood in you, people say that you actually live in a state of drunkenness all the time. True or false.
A10: I wouldn't say state of drunkenness but rather a state of ecstasy and euphoria. Some people smoke and fly, I'd rather drink and drive. I'm not condoning drinking and driving but definitely makes traffic a whole lot more fun!

Watch Stevens this coming Thursday as he and Shockers take on the Kennedy Crew in their attempts to make it to 500.

Shockers Put Subzero On Ice

Final Score
Shockers 5
Subzero 3

Chalking up the Shockers' third victory in the last four games, El Capitaino, Francois "Big Slapper" Hamelin is feeling much better about how this team has turned around a rough start this season: "We're finally getting a better feel out there on the floor and the guys are working hard. Good things are happening. OLE!"

The Shockers were eager to win this game and make it two wins in a row but what was another incentive was the fact that speedy-man Mike Minkiewicz's brother, Steve, was sitting on the other bench. Steve, who currently leads Subzero in points was looking to give his little brother a run for his money, but in the end Little Mink stole the show was a couple of goals and an assist or two to add to his point total.

Also making his mark thisgame was Frankie "Minute Man" Ortuso who pounded home two goals, one of which wizzed by goalie Andrew Caruso and the other was an empty net goal. This was Ortuso's third game of the season after missing a few games due to a groin injury. "My groin is still killing me but when I was out of the floor I felt like I was flying on a unicorn of mystic powers," stated Ortuso after the game.

Amongst the pair of goals by both Minkiewicz and Ortuso, the other goal came from Andrew Stevens who had seen a lot of playing time last night. "Frankie was hurt and he gave it his all out there so he changed often but we always told the guys that if they're tired, get off. It is better to get off than to try stay on an not be effective. I didn't mind the playing time but at the end, I was pretty dead," chuckled Stevens.

Shockers did move the ball out of their zone quickly and were rarely jammed in their zone for the most part. There was a lot of impressive plays made by Francois Hamelin who is still riding the high of his first goal and Gary McDermott who has been solid all season of defence. "We're moving the ball out well and we're making those important break out passes. That's how we'll need to start out our attacks," added Greg Emmanuel.

Despite all the good news, the Shockers have still not seen the scoring touch of Alain "Duck Tails" Godard. He is thus far 7 games into the season without a goal and is one of the few Shockers who remain goaless.

"He's been getting some chances but he's got to be a little more selfish and take those shots," commented Stevens on Godard's playing.

"Hahaha, yeah, it's not going so well," chuckled Godard.

"Attend! Quand il va casser la glace! Check lui, il va être en feu" added line-mate Ben Ducharme.

With the Shockers making it two in a row, the team looks to make it three when they face the Kennedy Crew next Thursday @ 11:30pm. The Kennedy Crew is currently 1-3-0 according to the very up to date PTM website, but experienced the taste of winning in their most recent game against the Hawks which begs to wonder if KC is turning their season around as well.

Hot or Subzero?

Shockers will look to not get iced tomorrow night against Subzero, a game that is building up to be a rivalry and a half.

The brotherly love has turned bitter in the Minklewicz household as brothers Mike and Steve will face off against each other for the first time this season. Mike, however, is not so worried about the sourness, "[Steve]'s been talking smack but at the end of the game, THIS GUY (points thumbs at himself), will come out on top! Anyways, I drink more milk that he can ever imagine!"

Shockers, on the other hand, received some bad news as play maker, Carlo Varano, might be out for the rest of the season. Not a lot of details were released but Francois Hamelin did say this in a statement:

"Carlo is going through some tough times and needs to step away from hockey to take care of his family. Our thoughts are with him and the members of his family and wish him the best of luck."

The Shockers have stated that there will be no replacement called up for Varano in case he decides to return but in any case, the forward lines are full for the moment.

The game plan for the Shockers is simple: Finish! They need to capitalize on the chances they get and continue to play for the whole 60 minutes. In the last game against Mobilart, they let down their guard for a minute and Mobilart scored, so they need to make sure this doesn't happen against a more dangerous team.

Mobilart Not So Mobile Against Shockers

Final Score
Shockers 5
Mobilart 2

With a name like Mobilart, you'd think that you have a certain level of expectations to live up to but it was quite the opposite this past Saturday night as they took on the Shockers.

Mobilart looked very short-benched with just 3 changes on the bench and the fatigue really showed middle-way through the second and most of the third.

Shockers, also short-benched, did look a lot more organized and solid in their two-way play. Alain "Barber Shop Assassin" Godard, Frankie "Wine 'n' Dine" Ortuso, Carlo "David Blaine" Varano, and Greg "Balls like Basketballs" Emmanuel were amongst the missing-in-action and all healthy scratches. The team called in off-season "now you see him, now you don't," Nick Petosa to fill in the gap up front and was very impressive throughout the match. Petosa slap 'n'chopped a goal of his own and set up a series of good plays to charge the Mike 'n' Mike combo. Due to the unexpected disapperance of Carlo Varano right before the game, the Shockers had to ask Gary "Green Giant" McDermott to play forward and was also very impressive. McDermott scored a goal on one of his first shifts with Andrew Stevens and Ben Ducharme and had a handful of other great chances to score.

The hype of the night definately had to go to the first ever goal of Francois Hamelin. The loyal defenseman, interim captain, coach, scout and GM of this season's Shockers was goal-less for the past four seasons and finally broke the seal with a clit-popper from the point. Hamelin's celebrations were comparable to those of Alexander Ovechkin, however, Hamelin's celebrations turned for the worse when he prematurly ejactulated on an unsuspecting spectator and then punched her square in the breast. No charges were pressed on Hamelin but the spectator did have this to say: "He came on me, socked me in the tit and called me 'Bitch!' but yeah...I deserved it."

Hamelin's official breaking of the seal did spark the charge for more goals as Hamelin, on the same shift as his first goal, laced a howitzer from the slot and beaned the goalie right off the mask. The goalie, shaken not stirred, was a little dazed by the purple haze of the day's shame glaze, recovered soon after the shot to the melon but admits he didn't even know what hit him: "I didn't even know what hit him...I mean, me."

Amongst the goals of McDermott, Petosa and Hamelin, Mike "The Thinker" Rossi, ripped 'n' roared two goals throughout the game. Disappointed that he did not round-up the hat-trick, he threw away the game ball; the same game ball goalie, Giancarlo Capaz, wanted to give to Hamelin to commemorate his first goal of his career. Rossi had this to say: "You know I thought of something, I should have given [Hamelin] the game ball."

The Shockers know that that victory was attributed to hard-work but also realize that the team they played was a very tired club and for the most part was barely moving out on the floor.

"They were tired and we took advantage but not every game will be a gift like this. We have to continue to work hard, capitalize on our chances and that is how we're going to keep a win-streak going," commented Hamelin.

Next game is against Mike "Twinkle Toes" Minklewicz's brother's team, Subzero, this coming Thursday @ 9:30pm. Steve Minklewicz is arguably one of Subzero's best players and will be needed to be shutdown in order to keep this game in check. Thus far, there are no reports of missing players for the Shockers but that is subject to change as game day approaches, still waiting for Ortuso to report in. Subzero (2-3-0) has been having some of their own issues finishing on top as they have been getting squeaked by in each of their losses. The game will take place on the small surface, a surface where the Shockers perform well on so look for a fast moving, energetic game as the Shockers attempt to make it two-in-a-row.

Looking up?

Who would of thought that the Shockers of this season would have been off to one of the rockiest starts in team history? With the acquisitions made during the off-season; on paper, this team looks a lot better than those of the past, but what is working for the Shockers? Let's take a look!

For starters, the Shockers are struggling to generate offense and have been held to just 8 goals in 5 games. With the off-season choking of Nick Petosa and Steve Minklewicz, the grand-stand rumour-mills were left scratching their heads at the question of: Who would be the big scorer of this season? Thus far, no one has really stepped up to the plate.

Secondly, goaltending has become a huge factor. Despite Giancarlo Capaz kicking the drinking habit this year, he seems to be even worse than when he used to show up to the games half-in-the-bag. Speculations were that it might be his pads but let's face it...little queer, buddy....doesn't look like it is going so well.

The Shockers will go into this next game against Mobilart with a few players out. Frankie "Condom Canon" Ortuso will miss the game as he is moon-lighting for Mr. Las Vegas himself, Wayne Newton at the MGM Grand this weekend. Ortuso has no points in the 2 games he's played this season. Alain Godard will be out as he is away for family business and Greg "Basketball Jones" Emmanuel might miss as he is coaching a basketball team in a tournament. It still remains unknown who will be filling in up front but rumours have been tossed around that it might be off-season back-out Nick Petosa.

The Shockers need to pull-up their socks if they wish to climb their way out of the cellar of the league. Look for a big game from the boys as they know this is a perfect time to turn this season around.

Who wants a mustache ride?

ITT Gives Shockers Another Loss

Final Score
ITT 3
Shockers 1

Well chalk up another loss but at least the Shockers can look back at last night as another night of no breaks.

Posts, missed nets, mystery saves and anything else you can think of happened for the short-benched Shockers last night. A Shockers squad that lacked the likes of Carlo Varano, Frankie Ortuso and Joey Rae, they definitely showed a new side of offense and pretty much dominated most of the game.

With a few unlucky Shocker turnovers, ITT rolled away with 3 goals throughout the game, one of which came short-handed. Despite that goal, the Shockers did look a bit more organized on the power-play and actually had several opportunities to score including a Ben Ducharme post-ringer in the third period. The defense jumped on the attack a lot more, notably, the Green Giant, Gary McDermott, who laced a handful of shots from the point, with no avail.

The Shockers lone goal came from Andrew Stevens snapping it past the goalie off a nice feed from Ben Ducharme. That was his first of the season.

The Shockers are not looking in good shape in the standings but team is showing decent progress and should only be a matter of time before the troop clicks together. Francois Hamelin, who ended up playing last night despite battling the flu, commented on the situation: "We're still finding our groove, it is taking awhile but once we get rolling I think we'll all feel much better."

New comer, Mike Minklewicz, also commented, "There are a bunch of new faces in the dressing room and we're all trying to adjust to each other. Give it time and we'll be there when the time comes. By the way, have you seen my milk? I thought I put my cup right here!"

Looking at the current injuries, Ortuso should be back in the line-up for next week's game against Mobilart. However, Rae looks like he will be side-lined for at least another week. Team doctors are monitoring his situation as day-to-day. Hamelin played last night and will most likely be back to 100% for next week.

A pre-game summary will follow next week as we'll take a look at the match-up between the Shockers and Mobilart.

Midnight Madness

The ailing Shockers will be limping into tonight's game against I.T.T with a series of side-lined players.

Latest on the injured reserve list is big defensive powerhouse, Joey Rae, who announced late last night to the team that he is out for a minimum of two weeks with a knee injury. He will be going in for a MRI this weekend to determine what the overall issue is but is hopeful that he will not have to undergo season-ending surgery.

"We all take some falls in our careers and it is important to stay strong during those times," Rae commented.

Also out is Frankie Ortuso who sustained a groin injury and will be sidelined for an undetermined amount of time. Ortuso who has played just two games this season is disappointed that he cannot contribute to the team: "I hope I can recover as quick as possible so I can get back out there. My main goal is to get back to 100%."

Francois Hamelin is will most likely sit out tonight with the flu but does remain as a game-time decision. The team captain did convey his aspirations for a 'W' against I.T.T: "We're in a situation where some guys are hurt and some are sick so the guys who are healthy will get a lot of playing time, this is what they wanted so this is their time to shine. They can pull this win off!"

The Shockers will be also without leading scorer Carlo Varano as he is a healthy scratch for tonight's game. No other details were disclosed.

Guillaume Cote will be making his third straight appearance in the Shockers' uniform to fill in the gap up front and Ben Ducharme is back from serving his two-game suspension.

ITT have the same record as the Shockers this season at 1-3-0 so it will be a heated battle for the ultimate victory.

Post game reactions will be posted tomorrow as soon as the speed pills wear off and the coffee kicks in because we'll be up until 3am due to the fantastic scheduling of PTM's hockey league of champions. I quit this bitch!