Thursday, July 22, 2010

Brown Rocket Has Been Grounded

The Shockers were riding a high from their convincing 7-1 victory this past Tuesday until they received word from team doctors earlier today that Jeff "The Brown Rocket" Jasmin will most likely be missing the rest of the season with what could be as worse as a career-ending knee injury.

"They said it looks broken as fuck, I don't know what to do with myself," Jasmin slurred in a drunken rage.

Since Jasmin learned about the injury he has been hitting the bottle hard than former Shocker Greg Emmanuel in his first season with the team (reference stories of vomiting and extremely clubbing and question acts of gay sex).

"It is unfortunate for us. Jeff is a hard worker and his team spirit will be missed out on the surface," commented captain, Danny Balenzano.

Jasmin ends his season with no points in five games.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Shockers Sink Below 500 Hockey

Probably one of the better looking rosters on paper in recent history for the Shockers is struggling to stay afloat in the standings and as the season progresses they are looking more and more banged up. In the passed 3 games they have accrued 3 losses and have showed up with two lines or less and now are dealing with an injury list that is accumulating some big names which is getting the organization worried.

For one, defensive backbone Gary McDermott is playing at 50% due to a knee injury he suffer in a friendly game last Monday and has been toughing through the games with a brace on. Then the big news hit home when Francois Boucher announced that he is most likely out for the season due to season-ending surgery he underwent last week.

"When he told us that he may not be coming back for the season, that really hurt since our line was doing pretty well with him," commented captain Danny Balenzano.

The Shockers are shopping around in the prospect pool but have not confirmed when they have settled on a candidate to replace Boucher.

"We're evaluating our options and hopefully we'll have someone in the line-up soon," added Balenzano.

The Shockers will have to regroup over this next week as they have the week off to recoop. Next game is against the third placed Hornets at 9:30pm @ Martin Brodeur arena where the Shockers will look to turn the tables on their recent skid of losses.