That's All She Wrote

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Good Luck Wishes From Shocker Fans!

With the playoffs just days away we have received a flooding of good luck messages from around the world and even from outer space! Here are a few big names that have sent their wishes of victory:

Will Ferrell took a time-out from his busy movie making schedule to send us this postcard of happy haps. On the back of the postcard, Will confessed that he actually did give the Shocker to his lovely movie-mate (see pictorial for the deets, biotch!)




NASA sent along a this picture of one of their one with the Shocker foam hand. They told us to keep it top secret but we couldn't resist...several members of our staff have gone "missing" since this posting.




Barack Obama may be the most respected man in the world right now but he admits there is a bunch of "dudes who [he] feel and bang wit." While we're still lost in gangster-lingo translation, we'll accept his tribute to the Shockers during his balls busy campaign route.



From Presidents to former President's daughter, Jenna Bush. This ex-U.S.A. royalty, turned gang-banger once she saw the Shockers play last summer during her break from school. While she is familiar with most of the Shocker's members, she is looking forward to meeting and greeting the remainder she did not tackle last time. 'Sup Jenna, holla at cha' boyz!

Jack "MOFO" Bauer or also known to most of the Shockers as O'Kiefer is more than just a loyal fan of the team but also can be as an accountable main character to several drinking stories with some of the team members.



I didn't even have to open Photoshop for this one, enough said. I know, I know, it's too goddam perfect! The best part is, I didn't even pay for the meal!



Terry Fox discovered the Shockers back in the day...when none of us were even born. Christopher Lloyd took me back in time in the DeLorean...the magic of the flux capacitor continues!


Even though this guy cannot be taken seriously since his gay relationship with Ben "Dover" Who-fleck and the movie Team America: World Police probably ruined his life, the nice chap took a picture of him with the foam hand as well as the concentrated "I"m giving you the Shocker, bitch!" face for us. Thanks....MATT DAMON! *retard voice*


The myth, the legend himself, Bill "I f**king hate JELLO" Cosby traded in his J-E-L-L-O routine for a good old fashion 3 finger pounding! BOO YA!







Even though Dave Chappelle is an icon in most people's eyes, the yound man admits that he is a huge fan of Jeff Jasmin. When Jasmin heard the news he laid out his best impression of "I'm Rick James, bitch!" Chappelle was not amused and has since returned our calls...good thing we took this picture beforehand. Does Jeff Jasmin have to choke a bitch?

Franchise Buddé!

After losing to the last place team last Monday, the members of the Shockers were asking themselves, "where did we go wrong?"

Shockers knew they needed to win last night's game at all costs to safely secure they're spot for the playoffs and they did indeed come out firing.

Steve "Big Baller, Shot Caller" Diabo made an appearance to help out his former team and played along side his brother, Chris, who has become a familiar name to the scoreboard.

The Diabo-Diabo-Kastrounis connection stole the spotlight last night as they netted eight of the ten goals and kept the Warriors backing up on their heals on each attack. Chris led the charge with 4 goals and 2 assists, while brother, Steve, got 2 goals and 1 assist. Kosta Kastrounis also netted 2 goals of his own as he centered the brothers for the night. Other goal scorers were Alain "El Capitaino" Godard (1G-1A) and Ben "The Bombshell" Ducharme (1G).

It was a rugged affair that tallied up 24 penalty minutes and a bukake of name-calling and profain hand gestures.

In the end, it was all Shockers who took home the 'W'.

Shockers finish the regular season in 5th place (7-9-0), a franchise best and will go on to play the District 5 Knights in the first round of the playoffs. The last time these two teams met, D5 Knights destroyed the Shockers 9-1. Hopefully the Shockers can maintain their recent surge of firepower to take the Knights to town in the 1 game series Monday, January 19th @ 10:30pm.

Player Profile: Alain Godard

It's that time again where you get to know your favorite Shocker! This week's spotlight is on the captain, the big dog himself, Alain Godard.

Godard was born and raised in Rigaud, Quebec and spent most of his childhood out on the rink. His mother was a classic stay-at-home mother who waited for her bundle of joy to return from school everyday. While their relationship was a tight knit one between Alain and his mother, it began to grow sour around the age of 8 when Alain picked up a hockey stick for the first time and traded in making macaroni art for serious pick-up hockey games with his friends.

Alain's mother was an aspiring artist, she dreamed of being famous and was often accused of having wild visions of grandeur. Her paintings were featured all over Rigaud, in restaurants, bakeries and even city hall but she never made it big outside the town. She continued to paint even after marriage and having kids but lost ambition in her lust for fame.

Alain's father was a blacksmith who believed that one day knights in shining armour would make an eventual comeback as most fashion trends did. He soaked much of his time and effort in perfecting the art of fashioning swords, maces, morning stars and various pieces of medievel armour. His business venture did not take off the way he had planned and in result forced Alain and his brother to work at a neighbouring farm to raise money for the family and for his addiction for large cast-iron hammers. In the late 80's and early 90's is when Alain's father saw the light, he melted all the weaponry he had made over the past decade and started to build railroad tracks for CN and was later promoted to Director of CN - Rigaud division. Alain's father was on top of the world and beleived he could even be the mayor of Rigaud. In 1993, Alain's father ran for office and unfortunately lost to local rival Hugo Tremblay in a land-slide vote. He had underestimated that the railroad project that ran through the heart of Rigaud had not been a popular project as it started to bring in more people from other towns and cities, that "were not well respected." His devastating lost to Tremblay sent him into a downward spiral into a deep depression. He began to drink and make rash decisions while under the influence, including a decision that would change Alain's life forever.

Alain was sent packing to Montreal, QC by his father. His father gave him 24 hours to pack his bags and to get on a train and not look back to Rigaud. His father insisted that there was no life for his son there and demanded that he begin his new life in a hockey city, a city like Montreal.

Once in Montreal, Alain became friends with Francois Hamelin and Ben Ducharme. The three played hockey on the streets but never took it more serious than pick-up games until the day they faced the snotting English kids who had moved into his neighbourhood. The English kids were good, some had been rumoured to have been born with hockey sticks in their hands which left their mother's vaginas with irrepairable damage. This forced Godard, Hamelin and Ducharme to take their game to the next level.

A couple of years later, the Shockers organization was founded by Alain Godard and flourished into a dynasty-in-the-making and in the end, this is where you can find Alain today. If he isn't giving his pep talk before the game, he is blazing to the net and scoring highlight reel goals.

Please enjoy a clip of the man himself.

Walking A Tight Rope

Shockers are indeed walking a tight rope after last Monday's loss to the Warriors, 7-2. Shockers are holding onto prime positioning for the playoffs but are in need of a win to solidify their spot. The Chiefs and Expos are banging at their door and could catch the Shockers in the standings.

The Chiefs wrap up their regular season with the final game against the red hot FW next Monday. If FW keeps up their winning ways it will save the Shockers the possible heart attack that the Chiefs could give them. Prediction: FW wins.

The Expos however have 2 games left to play, one against FW next Sunday and then next Monday against the team-to-beat, the Grinders. Shockers are breathing easier to see who the Expos are playing but in the NABHL, nothing is a sure-shot. Prediction: Expos drop the two games.

The Shockers have to be hurting after last Monday's but will need to bring their game back to the basics when they take on the Warriors again next Monday. They looked like they were running around willy-nilly and position-wise, they were really unorganized. Look for the first line (Godard-Stevens-Ducharme) to be back intact and look for a refreshed version of Marco D'Ambrosi. Prediction: It's going to be a close game but Shockers should take it.