Summer News: What have they been up to? (Part Three!)

Since the Shockers were eliminated in the early rounds of the playoffs, most of the players headed in their own directions to keep in game shape, realign their Chi or to pursue their dreams that had been held back due to the grueling schedule of Shocker life. In this edition of "What have they been up to?" we had to dig deep to track down these Shockers who had practically disappeared off the planet, literally!

Francois "Baguette-Baguette-Fromage" Hamelin, since the fall of the Shockers in the playoffs had moved to Paris, France to live out his dream of being a typical Parisian, little bike with the big basket and all the trimmings. Trading in most of his button-up shirts for (more) mime-like sweaters, white sunglasses and flamboyantly gay scarves, he had blended his way into the french society just like he always wanted. However, growing tired of just baguettes and cheese bukakes, Hamelin decided to return to Canada and try out for the Canadian Speed Skating team.

He had showed up to the tryouts with nothing but basic CCM skates which he bought second hand at a garage sale and easily made the team. You can see his olympic profile on the Team Canada site, here. Hamelin assured the team that the olympics would not get in the way of the Shockers season and if need be, he'd be willing to miss a race or two if it interfered with a game.

"Some people train all their life for the Olympics...I trained my entire life to pounding vaaaag...and playing for the Shockers...the Olympics for me is a place to show everyone I can skate fast but it definitely doesn't get my rocks off or beer in my hand, that's for true!" commented Hamelin.

Look for Hamelin to light up the speed skating track in Vancouver 2010 but in the meantime, he'll be diving around on the floor for the Shockers.

Phil "Stunt Double" McHugh, spent his summer as a star undertaking a contract to be a stunt-double in the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

"I always wanted to be in movies and the producers said I looked brown enough to be in the movie," explained McHugh.

However, being in the blistering heat of India during the filming of the movie, Phil began to miss the shitty weather of North America and came down with a condition called IceSkatitis where all he wants to do is skate on ice. "I even tied hunting knives to my Chuck Taylor running shoes," boasted Phil.

McHugh had broken the news to the team management that he will be hanging it up after one season with the Shockers to pursue his new roll as Goofy in the Disney Icecapades.

"I was always a Ronald McDonald kid myself but they told me he wasn't a Disney character...apparently Google agrees with them, I looked that shit up," said McHugh.

Newcomer to the team Mike "I'm Rick James, Bitch!" Rossi had been seen in the hottest clubs of Los Angeles regurgitating quotes from Dave Chappelle's skit of Rick James.

"I love that sh*t....I actually feel that I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!" commented Rossi.

Aside from moonlighting in L.A., Rossi has signed on to be the latest fresh face of Soul Glo. Soul Glo, dominate in the black community, is trying to expand their sales into other communities by featuring pop-culture's famous faces into their latest campaign ads.

"Mike is a newcomer to the Shockers so there is already a lot of buzz surrounding him. We feel he was the best candidate to bust a sales nut into the young Italian..........market," commented Soul Glo's spokesman Billy White.

Look for more updates on the Shockers in the next coming days!