Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sante and Côté Get the Call

Shockers will enter into tonight's game against the Saints with two call-ups in the line-up.

Guillaume Côté and Jon Sante both received calls this week to help out the Shockers as a few of their regulars are healthy scratches.

Ben Ducharme is sitting out his last of two game suspension after he attempted to relocate the nose of an Underdog player in a scrum two weeks ago. Ducharme was fined by the league and slapped with a two-game suspension for his actions.

Mike Rossi will be out to attend a sermon from a Buddhist-extremist cult which he is considering to join. Despite saying him saying that he is not so much into religion, he did agree that they had good ideas to battle global warming, conflicts in the middle-east, and white supremecy in the south states of the U.S. by communicating with alien space ships of another dimension. He admitted that the fruit punch served at every meeting is worth missing hockey for because it is very tastey but makes him very tired for some reason.

Mike Minklewicz will be M.I.A. to attend his book signing event. Minklewicz looks to surpass J.K. Rowling in total sales this year with his hit book series, "Weaving Baskets Saved Me From Posting Embarassing Videos of Myself on Youtube."

Guillaume Côté will be making his second straight appearance centering Andrew Stevens and Alain Godard. Côté scored a goal in the Shockers' victory against Special Delivery.

Jon Sante will make his season debut centering Carlo Varano and Frankie Ortuso. Sante who was held off the scoredsheet last season plans to make a better impact this time around, and ultimately, stay out of the penalty box.

Frankie "It's not STD, it's an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection is now the politically correct term)" Ortuso is back from the beer pong championship in Dallas, Texas. Despite Ortuso not winning the tournament he did state that it was a great success and gave two thumbs up. The Shockers are very happy to have his speed and grit back in the line-up.

As for the Saints, they are currently 1-1-1 so their performance is still foggy but have been noted to keep it a close game.

We'll see what happens tonight @ 7:30. If the Shockers continue to play as they did last game they will have a good chance at making it two wins in a row, however, if Giancarlo Capaz opts to wear his new pads, it might be a long night for the team.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Shockers Deliver the 'W'

Final Score
Shockers 5
Special Delivery 3

If you looked at the Shockers on paper at the beginning of the season, last night was an example of how you would expect the team to play. Defensive unit was near perfect, offense finally woke up and scored some goals and goaltending was solid as solid could be.

Special Delivery (1-2-0) was fairly short-benched for the match, they took it easy in the first half of the game with smart positioning and attempts to control the tempo. They found production by dumping the ball back to the point and jamming home the rebounds and kept the Shockers at bay by keeping their defense deep in their zone to protect the net.

However, the Shockers found their step late in the second period when Special Delivery went up 2-1. The Shockers found the secret to breaking the Special Delivery wall and replied with three goals before SD were able to beat Giancarlo Capaz to make the game 4-3. The time was burning away as SD were struggling to make any progress on the Shockers defensive shield, despite the Shockers being on a penalty kill late in the third. With the monstrous SD goaltender leaving the net for the extra attacker, Carlo Varano, with a diving sprawl, eliminated all hope for SD as he stole the ball away from the defense and was home-free with the empty netter goal. Varano completed the hat-trick with the buzzer beater and was ultimately the nail in the coffin.

Despite Varano's stellar performance, he was modest about it: "Don't worry about the hat-trick, what is important is that we got the 'W'"

Also inked on the scoresheet was call-up Guillaume Côté who posted a debatable goal as a high slapper from Alain Godard was tipped in by Côté's hand. Special Delivery argued the call with no avail, the goal was signalled "good" by the referees. Côté filled in for the suspended Ben Ducharme. Côté commented on the matter: "Well, le gros, you know it feels great to come in and play, le gros, but is even better to score a goal and help out the team on the scoreboard, you know what I mean le gros?"

The other scorer for the Shockers was the speedy Mike Minklewicz who howitzered a shot five-hole on the Monster, he had this to say to the press: "The goal was pretty sweet, huh? By the way, I'd like to thank my sponsor, Milk, does the body good!"

The Shockers' over-all buzz of the room after the game was very energetic and the team was happy to get the monkey-off-the-back.

Some of the players commented below:

Joey Rae: "It was like Christmas bitch! Coronas for everyone!"

Giancarlo Capaz: "Fuck man, it was like the weight of the world was off our shoulders. FUCK!"

Jeff Jasmin: "Soooooooooo horny!"

Mike Rossi: "You know what? I thought of something....we won!"

Francois Hamelin: "Our guys should be proud tonight. We played an excellent game. Everyone hustled. It was definately our best game to date. Now leave me alone, I have a date with some victory beers!"

Shockers' next game is next Thursday @ 7:30pm against the Saints. The Saints are currently 2-0-0 this season and their next game is this Saturday against the Stealth Assassins (2-0-0). The Saints squeezed a win against ITT by ways of a shootouts in the opening week and then dusted the Iron Wolves 3-1 the following week when they lit the lamp three times in the third period.

Out for the Shockers next game is still Ben Ducharme to serve his last game of his suspension, the status of Frankie Ortuso in the beer pong championship is unknown and so is his virginty (or the virginity of anyone else in his path), so he might be a late addition to the line-up, Mike Rossi will be a healthy scratch as he is attending a sermon for some underground branch-off of a Buddhist-extremist cult and finally Mike Minklewicz will be doing a book signing to promote his new self-help book series "Weaving Baskets Saved Me From Posting Embarassing Videos of Myself on Youtube." This is the follow-up to his successful relationship-help book series: "Don't Drunk and Dial, Chicks Don't Dig it."

Monday, October 19, 2009

Turning the Tables

The slipping Shockers will look to turn their season around this coming Thursday as they will take on Special Delivery at Laval's SportsXPO. The Shockers are starting their season with a 0-2-0 record, the first time in team history, when they were bombed 6-1 by the Pythons in their season opener and outlasted by the Underdogs 2-1the following week.

Special Delivery start their season with a split 1-1-0 record, winning their first game of the season against SubZero 5-2 but then downed the following week but the NDG Choppers 4-2.

For the Shockers, the real challenge has been trying to find production from their offensive unit as they have been limited to just two goals in two games. Interim captain, Francois Hamelin, comments on the situation: "We know how to score, we're just not doing it. Maybe we're looking for the perfect play or we're just not getting the lucky bounces. Either way, we need to change what is happening."

At least what is being noticed as an improvement is the defensive unit, as they were able to readjust their game after the dismantling against the Pythons.

"We saw how the game play is against the Pythons and we figured out what we need to do game in and game out," explained Jeff Jasmin, who is the current point leader for the Shockers.

The Shockers can praise the solid performances of Giancarlo Capaz who has been nothing but stellar between the pipes despite constantly battling a four-season-long flu. Capaz a.k.a Hollywood turned away several shots and scoring attempts in both of the games but is anxious to have some help from his forwards: "I can't do it all myself, even though I can...but I don't feel like it, BIOTCH!"

To chalk up more bad news for the Shockers is the loss of Ben "Brick Fists" Ducharme who will be taking the press-box seat to serve a two-game suspension for fisting another player's face during a scrum late in the game against the Underdogs. Guillaume Cote got the call to replace Ducharme for at this week's game against Special Delivery and will center Alain Godard and Andrew Stevens. Cote has been called up for several of Shockers games throughout the team's existance.

On the other hand, Shockers did receive some good news from team doctors that Carlo Varano will be back in the line-up after taking a vicious hit from behind late in the game against the Underdogs. Varano was down on the floor for a good 5 minutes before being helped up and was favoring his neck. Doctors re-evaluated his status this past Monday and confirmed that he was in game shape.

Shockers look to turn around the season this Thursday @ 8:30pm.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Under Dogs Shank Shockers in Nail Biter

Final Score
Under Dogs 2
Shockers 1

Where the Shockers are lacking in offense, they are trying to make it up in defense. Shockers kick off this season with a cellar-bound 0-2-0 start, a start practically unheard of in Shocker history.

"We're still trying to find the right chemistry. Our line worked well but we still couldn't find the net," commented Andrew Stevens, who missed an empty net in the first period.

Shockers still need to play 60 minutes of hockey though. Early in the first, they dropped two quick goals in roughly two shifts by simply leaving one man open in front of the net.

"After those two goals, I think we learnt our lesson and we picked up our socks after that," mentioned Greg "Coach's Corner" Emmanuel.

The team also looked sluggish in the second period as they droned through an unproductive 5-on-3 powerplay and then struggled through the rest of the period trying to get the ball out of their zone.

"It wasn't pretty," acknowledged Joey "Corona Crusher" Rae.

The third period, the Shockers did wake up but were unsuccessful in beating the opposing goaltender to tie the game despite pulling Giancarlo "Life in the Fast Lane" Capaz near the end of the game to give the Shockers the extra man. The end of the period did get out of hand when a Under Dog player laid a vicious hit from behind on Shocker's own Carlo Varano which invoked a mob near the Dogs' bench. Ben "The Enforcer" Ducharme came in to defend Varano and ended up clubbing an Under Dog like a seal; the league has yet to review the game to decide on diciplinary actions to be taken on Ducharme. Team doctors will re-evaluate Varano's condition on Monday before they give him the OK to play next Thursday.

More news on Varano's status next week.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Shockers Get Trampled in Season Opener

Final Score
Pythons 6
Shockers 1

Expectations were rather high for the Shockers this season but after last night's game, the visions of grandeur can finally be put into a more realistic perspective. Bottom line, the Shockers are just going to have to work harder if they want to make an impact in this league.

Shockers started off strong last season and then fell to a disappointing route of loses and team conflicts near the end of the season which in turn led to a short-lived playoff stint. The Shockers of this season have started in an entirely different tune as they were pummeled by the Pythons in last nights brew-ha-ha, 6-1.

Let's not take anything away from the Pythons as they are defending champions of the 'D' division in Laval and have a solid core of quick players and a playbook of smart passing plays. On some goals, Shockers were left scratching their heads as to where the ball even got through.

So where did everything go wrong?

Number one, defensive breakdowns. Straight and simple, you cannot let the other team have two or three feet of open space. The ball is bouncy and they are much quicker than the Shockers, so it did open the doors to a lot of opportunities for the Pythons to go on breaks or have at it alone in front of the net with goaltender, Giancarlo Capaz. And a simple notion, a player standing between you and the goalie is more dangerous than a shot from afar, pick up the men from in front of the net and disarm them as quick as possible.

Number two, forwards gave up on the defense. It's clear to see that the team has not melded together completely yet because if the team was working together there would not be any holes in the fabric. What am I talking about? On many of the occasions that the Pythons attacked the Shockers, there was always at least one man open in the zone which in the end usually ended up being the goal scorer. With the attitude of "that is not my man I'm not going to do anything about it," is a terrible mentality and you can expect more goals against if this is not rectified. Bottom line, games are won with good defense, that being said, the forwards have to re-learn what playing a defensive game is all about.

Last point, intensity. Shockers looked flat out there as they watched the Pythons pass around them like pylons. The forwards are waiting a "the big break-out pass" and the defense are trying to deal with the three to four Pythons coming into the zone. Shockers' forwards have to be more pro-active in helping out the defense and controlling the ball up the playing surface instead of waiting in the opposing zone half the game. The Shockers should look the cut down to 30 second shifts of full out running instead of trying to drag out a two to three minute shift of standing around and waiting for the ball to magically appear on their sticks. Speaking of intensity, Jeff Jasmin, who was the lone goal-scorer for the Shockers showed his determination and intensity, as usual, but was unsuccessful in infecting the rest of his team with the same energy. They might consider looking to Jasmin for inspiration.

At the end of the game, the Shockers were not silent in the dressing room about the massacre. Each player seemed to have a new aspect to improve their game and even though it is still early in the season, the Shockers still have their work cut-out for them for the next upcoming games. Sure, we can chalk up this loss as "first game of the season shakes" or "first time playing together mishaps" but maybe the Shockers should have considered working out the kinks in the off-season with a few exhibition games where the entire team was present, but hey, this is just one blogger's opinion, right?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Shockers Kick-off Season Tonight

The Shockers are kicking off their fifth straight season as a team tonight in Laval, QC, but the team has never been in worse shape.

For starters, team management failed to fill the roster they originally planned to have.

"We're still two guys short but we wanted to make sure we didn't just take anybody who knows how to hold a hockey stick. We shopped around and we didn't find the guys who we would feel would mesh well with the rest of the guys," commented Francois Hamelin, the Shockers' current talent scout.

Nick Petosa and Mark Gamboz choked on the team at the last minute, the Shockers' did manage to land a more reliable player, Andrew Stevens, who had been holding out on contract agreements throughout much of the off-season. Stevens, despite not saying it had anything to do with the team, said that it was a personal decision to not play the season and if he did play, he would want to stay with the Shockers in Montreal. With Stevens back in the line-up it does get some of the veterans hard-ons:

"I was disappointed when Stevens said he wasn't coming back, who was I going to play with?" questioned long-time linemate, Alain Godard.

"It definately gave me more wood to have him back," added defensive big-man, Joey Rae.

"Heck ya! I went from six to midnight when he walked in the dressing room! I'm horny as f**k!" exclaimed Jeff "Big Black Train" Jasmin.

However, the good news of Stevens coming back did follow with some bad news in terms of injuries.

Mike Rossi might be sidelined once again with a reaggravated knee injury he suffered last season with Damage Inc. and had to miss the last bit of the season. His status is unknown but has not been reported to be on the injured reserve list just yet.

Joey Rae might be sitting out to nurse a shoulder injury he suffered in practice when he and Jeff Jasmin collided during a scrimmage. Team doctors have yet to confirm the severity of the injury but has been noted to be day-to-day with a game time decision attached to it. This will be the first time Rae would miss a game due to injury if team doctors do not clear him to play in tonight's match-up.

Francois Hamelin also suffered an injury to his hand in the same practice as Rae's injury and is questionable about where he stands. He did assure his team he can play but with be duct taping his stick to his glove. He did, however, express great frustration that his injured hand has dented his sexual relationship with the hand in question.

And finally, Hollywood himself, Giancarlo "Juan Carlos" Capaz, is still day-to-day with flu-like symptoms for the fourth straight season. Team doctors refuse to comment about the status of Capaz's health but confirm that he does not have H1N1 despite his recent trips down south to promote his empire of one-dollar Latino strip clubs.

To top off the bad news for the Shockers is Frankie Ortuso who will play tonight's game against the Pioneers but will miss the next 4 games as he is heading to Dallas, TX to compete in a month-long fraternity beer pong tournament. He expressed great excitement as the winner goes on to feature in the next Fat Girls Gone Wild DVD box-set due out Fall 2010.

With many game-time decisions to be made, the Shockers will have to stand tough and play solid. They should not sit back and let the Pioneers pile up on them, the forwards will need to use their speed to make a valid impact in this game.

Game Predicition:
Shockers 5
Pioneers 4

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Shockers Announce Season Opener

The Shockers season opener has been announced to the public and it is: Thursday, October 8th @ 10:30 against The Pioneers.

The rest of the schedule should be released within days by the league.

As for the Shockers, they will finalize their pre-season preparation in a final practice tentatively scheduled for Tuesday at their training facility.

"We're all pretty pumped to play and see how the season pans out this season," commented team headman, Francois Hamelin.